We Know Who You’re Gonna Date Next, But First Eat A Ton Of Fast Food

We Know Who You’re Gonna Date Next, But First Eat A Ton Of Fast Food

You got: Someone with a dog

Does it really matter what the person you date next is like? They own a dog! And it’s, like, the BEST dog. That’s really all you need to know.


Someone with a dog
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You got: A hipster barista

The new barista at your favorite coffee shop will catch your eye, with their tattoos, thick-framed glasses, and their affinity for scarves. And you’ll catch their eye, too, and one day when you get your coffee, they’ll write their phone number on the cup.


A hipster barista
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You got: An Instagram model

The good news: The next person you date will be H-O-T hot. The bad news: Their entire career and social media presence depends on them looking hot, and on them making their life seem perfect. After the honeymoon phase ends, you’ll probably get tired of all the staged selfies and crave something real instead.


An Instagram model
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You got: A hot doctor

During a trip to the ER, you’ll really click with the doctor on duty, and your heart will beat so quickly that they’ll make you stay an extra hour in the hospital. Once you’re discharged, though, the hot doctor will ask you out.


A hot doctor
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You got: A firefighter

Is it hot in here or is it just you? Oh no wait, it’s hot in here, because EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE. But not to worry, the firefighters will arrive very quickly, and you’ll be rescued by a gorgeous firefighter who will take you out for ice cream afterwards. And then the sparks will REALLY fly.


A firefighter
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You got: A best-selling novelist

The next person you date will be a writer — and not even a struggling one, but a really successful, prolific one! And you become their muse for their next masterpiece. The downside is they spend tons of time alone writing, but at least you’ll get to read the book before anyone else.


A best-selling novelist
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You got: Someone with a cool leather jacket

The next person is gonna be so cool. How do we know? ‘Cause they’ll be wearing this sweet leather jacket. That’s it. That’s all you need to know. Fuck, they look cool in that jacket.


Someone with a cool leather jacket
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You got: Your soulmate

It look a long time to find them, but the next person you date is definitely your soul mate. They just get you, you know? Not only will you be perfect for each other, you’ll both be so relieved that you never have to try dating ever again. Love is grand!


Your soulmate
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You got: A sexy moron

You are going to date the sexiest person you’ve ever seen in your life. Sadly, though, they won’t have much going on upstairs, and you’ll often have to explain jokes, or help them read the menu. But you won’t care, because they are SOOOOOO HOT, and don’t you deserve nice things?


A sexy moronTap to play GIF
Tap to play GIF
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